To this day, I still enjoy the lyrics to the Carole King's song "Music". It seemed to be my anthem for life. A way to get through the bad spots and a way to celebrate the good. But what if the music stops? What if your soundtrack changes from an upbeat top 40 hit to one of Beethoven's heavy and cloudy masterpieces. What do you do then?
Well, at this point I am evaluating my life and going through my stuff and trying desperately to put the music back in order. Music played a big part in my life, but for now, the music seems to have quieted to white noise.
My mother always wanted me to be musical. I think most moms are like that to a degree. Music was everything to my Mom. During the depression she sold crab apples to pay for violin and vocal lessons. She loved the violin and boy, could she sing! She was a colouratura soprano and for years during her youth, sang with the local chorale groups. She also sang in and around classical venues in the Washington D.C. area. Music was her life and when I came into the picture, she was determined to make it mine as well.
My mother said I asked to learn the piano, but I have no memory of this. But at the ripe old age of 6 I started taking lessons--just about at the same time that I was learning to read. I've always wondered if she had it planned that way--that I would learn to read words and music at the same time--to make it less difficult for me to comprehend. Whatever the reasoning, I learned to read and I learned to read music and I must say that both have served me well.
But learning to play the piano and enjoying what you play are two different kettles of fish! I was an active child and my bent was more on performing rather than sitting and quietly playing the piano. If it was a piece I could get into, I would practice and practice, much to my mother's delight. If it was one of the three B's, well, there was always the "lot's of homework" excuse! And as time went on, I discovered I had a voice.
When I was very young, my mother would play nonstop musical theatre original cast recordings while she did the housework. Some of the voices on these recordings had a profound influence on me. And it wasn't the beautiful soprano ones. It was the belters!
On any given day at our house, you could hear my mother singing along with the songs of Sarah Brown in "Guys and Dolls" while a younger, less mature voice belted out the parts of Adelaide. I was a belter. Unlike my mother, who had the voice an angel, I was bound a determined to get everyone's attention when I sang and the piano would become my constant companion in this task. If I wanted to figure out how to sing a song without a recording, I would sit down and plunk it out on the piano. I would even make feeble attempts to accompany myself. I would make up songs. The piano was my friend! A friend that would be with me for a lifetime---or so I thought.....
I love to sing. Singing and performing are what I am. They are what make up the biggest part of me. Without them-----well, I'm pretty much lost. I am happiest when performing and for a good part of my life, I have been able to indulge in this pleasure. All of that came to a stop about 5 years ago during the course of my life that could have come directly out of "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". And it was during that time, that I had to give up my beloved piano.
Like the old adage, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone", I don't think I ever realized what a part of me that piano was. I had purchased it in 1984(during my Rock Musician phase) and it had become a stable part of my life. My daughter, Molly, learned how to play on that piano. It was more than a piece of furniture, it was a piece of my life and I thought it would go with me wherever I went. It was an oak Baldwin Studio model, nothing fancy, and you could open the front to get more of a robust sound. It was there for me when I needed to vocalize. It was there when I just needed to relax. And it was there to bring all of the music in my head to life.
But, like many things in life, my marriage to my piano was pulled apart.
Sometimes, things happen. Things that you have no control over. Oh, you think you can control them, but in the end, things change and they are never the same again. In 2005, we lost everything, causing us to begin what has seemed like a nomadic lifestyle. I have moved over 6 times in 5 years and for the first few, my beloved piano was able to move with me. But like heading down the rabbit hole, things got curiouser and curiouser and places to live got smaller and it was decided that the piano should find a new home.
One thing was for certain, I was not going to sell it. You can't sell a friend! So I posted an ad at Cal State Northridge and waited for calls. A nice young woman called and, without even seeing it, asked when she could come and get it. She was interested because she was going into music therapy for children, she said. I told her to get a truck and come on over. The piano was hers.
I know my piano has a good home. I know it is with someone who enjoys it and that it will help people....just like it helped me. But, I do miss my piano!
See, the day I gave it away, the music stopped. I'm not sure why. When the piano was still with me, I would sing along with any recording, strum on my guitar and sing a song or even sing without music, but now all of that has stopped. I never realized exactly what the piano meant to me until it was gone.
So as I write this, I am hoping to get my voice back. To sing loud and clear and not care who's listening. And to dance even if someone's watching. I am hoping if I sell my life on eBay and look at things in a different light, that I can once again get my piano back and start living my life as it should be. Will, this happen. I hope and pray that it does. In the meantime, though, the music has stopped and I would do anything to get it playing again!
To view my life as it goes to auction, please visit:
http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-Attic
