Holding onto dreams............

When I was much younger, I had poster in my room that I had found in the bookstore at Carnegie-Mellon University in Pittsburgh. The poster featured a soaring seagull with the following Langston Hughes quote:

"Hold onto Dreams, for if dreams die, Life is a winged bird that cannot fly."

When I first saw it, I liked the quote, although I don't truly think I comprehended it in the way Mr. Hughes intended. I hung it in my room and looked at it daily, always thinking to myself that my dreams would never die. I always believed that dreams were with you forever.....a part of your being.....a part of your soul. I was too inexperienced to believe otherwise.

As I grew older and moved from college to apartment to house, I lost the poster somewhere along the way. But I could always envisioned it in my mind. Sometimes in a very haunting way. And the words, the words of Mr. Hughes, are part of my being and of course, they are part of my soul. In fact, those words, those few choice words from a poster bought years ago, could be the one reason I am here today, alive and well and still trying to hold onto my dreams.

Dreams are a funny thing. If we are surrounded by the right people, we are encouraged to follow our dreams from an early age. Others have to fight for their dreams and if the fight becomes too difficult, the simply give up. The vast majority of us fall somewhere in the middle. Somewhere in between being encouraged to follow our dreams, yet fighting for them at the same time.

I have watched my dreams flourish and grow and wither and fall stagnant. But, like the plant that that wilts in the heat and then springs to life with the first rain, I always seem to bounce back. Maybe not as strong as I was in the beginning of my life, but I do bounce back with gusto. And through all the trauma, all the pain, I have still managed to hang onto those dreams. Oh, I may just be hanging onto a corner of them sometimes, but I still have a strong grip and for the dream crushers.....well I am quite the fighter and I will not and cannot let them get me down.
So, as I go through my stuff, purging and selling it on eBay, I am reminded of who I am and who I was and what I have become. I also know what I can be and that is the hardest part of all I think....to realize that there is so much life out there worth living and so many dreams worth having and knowing that none of it is an easy
task.
I am my own dream maker and what I do with those dreams is entirely up to me.


And as I make all of my dreams finally become a reality, purging stuff from my life isn't a bad way to go. I can see the mistakes I've made and the accomplishments I've had and all in all, it sort of evens out. I am in control of my destiny and I will not let my dreams die!

To view my never-ending project of "Selling My Life on eBay" go to my eBay store at
http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-attic.html. Or you can just search for me under Mabelmaesattic. Just remember, you never know what you're going to find!

Missing Maggie..........

Going through my life eBay auction by eBay auction is an interesting process. It brings up all sorts of thoughts and feelings. And as I list one thing after another, I begin to realize more and more how attached my memories are to my possessions and how each item is a part of my being...a part of my soul.

Now, there are a lot of television shows out there that make this process look rather easy. The host shows up at your door and after much haggling(and within the televised time span of an hour), your entire life has been organized, your walls painted and brand new furnishings have arrived to decorate your once messy home. Everyone looks happy at the end.....well....most of the time... and the only emotions you see are the ones the editor and director thought were entertainment worthy. What they don't show you is the commitment you have to your things, no matter how much you have or in what condition. Your things are part of your life and as you crack away at each piece, you see who you were and what you have become.

It would not shock anyone that knew me to find out that I am an animal lover. I can't think of anything living that I will not aid and not care for. Doesn't matter if it's furry or slimy, I believe everything has a right to a peaceful life on our planet. If you had asked me in my 10 years ago if I would ever give up one of my pets, I would have pleaded a loud NO! But then, 10 years ago, I had no way of knowing what would happen in the future.

Life often changes and throws you curves that you are never ready for. Back in 2003, we were happily living in a home we owned in West Hills, CA with our cats and our dogs. Life was comfortable, not without stress, but every life has stress of some sort. And we, my husband, my daughter and I, had our pets. Pets are a big part of life. My tiny family is the only family each of us have, so we have fleshed it out over the years with lots of furry relatives. Our cats and dogs were and are our family and we respect each one as an individual.

Without going through the series of unfortunate events that occurred after 2003, let's say that we were on the path to loosing everything. By 2007, we had moved four times. By 2008, we had to move again, only this time we could not find a place that would take our cats and our dog.......

Maggie came into our life after our dog, Sundance, had passed away from lymphoma. Sundance was a magnificent dog and very different from Maggie. Sundance had taken his life as a dog seriously. He was a coyote hunter, a cat protector and an avid runner. Sundance ran with us every morning of his life.....a trait that Maggie continued, but on a different scale.

Maggie had been born into a litter of pups where she was the odd dog out. All the other puppies looked like labs, but Maggie.........well she just looked like....Maggie. Kind of a cross between a Shepherd, a Golden Retriever and possibly an Afghan, Maggie looked like no breed known to man. When I first saw her, the owner of her mother referred to her as "the ugly one", but I saw nothing ugly about the then shy pup. I adopted Maggie, took her home and the journey began.

Maggie was one happy dog. Not always the brightest dog, but a happy one and she went through life with sheer glee. She ran, she jumped, she bounced! She was just Maggie. And she loved us and she loved the cats. Her biggest joy, also, was to run with us in the morning. She would bound out the door, onto the sidewalk(or trail) and run as fast as she could, sometimes dragging my husband Paul with her. Maggie was just happy being with us. And we were happy being with her......

By 2008, we had to move again. We looked and looked for places, but for some reason, this time, we could not find a landlord who would take the cats and Maggie. It didn't seem to matter that Maggie wasn't a destructive dog(I don't think she chewed anything but rawhide bone in her life). She wasn't a loud dog(guarding was not a top priority with her). She was housebroken(inside the house---never!) No Maggie's only fault was that her owners had 4 cats and a dog and could not afford to pay for all. And as for landlords who did not charge pet fees......well it was either the cats or the dogs and many preferred the cats. And so, I found myself in the middle of Rachel's Choice and had to find a home for my beloved Maggie.

I have often heard that angels watch over fools and pets and angels must have been watching over Maggie. My daughter put a notice online and a friend of hers graciously gave Maggie a temporary home. And what a home she had! Maggie had hills to climb, dogs to play with and even had cats to call her own. She was in her own doggie heaven and I thought she would only be there until we could find a place that would allow her back into our lives.

But, as I often say, you should never assume anything, and recently I learned that Maggie's caretaker has moved to Washington state, taking Maggie with him. I would have liked to have said goodbye, but Maggie was already frolicking around the Pacific Northwest when I learned about her departure. I know I did the right thing and I know she's one happy pup(she gets to hike every weekend...what more could a dog want), but I miss Maggie. Running isn't the same without Maggie. Life isn't the same without Maggie.

With every dog inspired item I list comes a little history. Every item is linked with some dog that I shared my life with at one time or another and I miss each and every one of those dear creatures greatly. In the wide spectrum of our lives, we only share a tiny bit of it with our beloved pets. We are only given brief moments and, like people, we never really know when or if we will ever see them again. They should always be cherished like the jewels they are, because our pets, like our family and friends, are not replaceable. And the things that remind us of our beloved pets? Well, those are just things and can never replace the ones we love.

As I write this, I am listing Maggie inspired items on eBay. To see my "I'm Selling My Life on Ebay Project" go to: http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-attic.html

Selling My Life on eBay is a life changing experience!

But What Do You Do When the Music Stops........

To this day, I still enjoy the lyrics to the Carole King's song "Music". It seemed to be my anthem for life. A way to get through the bad spots and a way to celebrate the good. But what if the music stops? What if your soundtrack changes from an upbeat top 40 hit to one of Beethoven's heavy and cloudy masterpieces. What do you do then?

Well, at this point I am evaluating my life and going through my stuff and trying desperately to put the music back in order. Music played a big part in my life, but for now, the music seems to have quieted to white noise.

My mother always wanted me to be musical. I think most moms are like that to a degree. Music was everything to my Mom. During the depression she sold crab apples to pay for violin and vocal lessons. She loved the violin and boy, could she sing! She was a colouratura soprano and for years during her youth, sang with the local chorale groups. She also sang in and around classical venues in the Washington D.C. area. Music was her life and when I came into the picture, she was determined to make it mine as well.

My mother said I asked to learn the piano, but I have no memory of this. But at the ripe old age of 6 I started taking lessons--just about at the same time that I was learning to read. I've always wondered if she had it planned that way--that I would learn to read words and music at the same time--to make it less difficult for me to comprehend. Whatever the reasoning, I learned to read and I learned to read music and I must say that both have served me well.

But learning to play the piano and enjoying what you play are two different kettles of fish! I was an active child and my bent was more on performing rather than sitting and quietly playing the piano. If it was a piece I could get into, I would practice and practice, much to my mother's delight. If it was one of the three B's, well, there was always the "lot's of homework" excuse! And as time went on, I discovered I had a voice.

When I was very young, my mother would play nonstop musical theatre original cast recordings while she did the housework. Some of the voices on these recordings had a profound influence on me. And it wasn't the beautiful soprano ones. It was the belters!

On any given day at our house, you could hear my mother singing along with the songs of Sarah Brown in "Guys and Dolls" while a younger, less mature voice belted out the parts of Adelaide. I was a belter. Unlike my mother, who had the voice an angel, I was bound a determined to get everyone's attention when I sang and the piano would become my constant companion in this task. If I wanted to figure out how to sing a song without a recording, I would sit down and plunk it out on the piano. I would even make feeble attempts to accompany myself. I would make up songs. The piano was my friend! A friend that would be with me for a lifetime---or so I thought.....

I love to sing. Singing and performing are what I am. They are what make up the biggest part of me. Without them-----well, I'm pretty much lost. I am happiest when performing and for a good part of my life, I have been able to indulge in this pleasure. All of that came to a stop about 5 years ago during the course of my life that could have come directly out of "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". And it was during that time, that I had to give up my beloved piano.

Like the old adage, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone", I don't think I ever realized what a part of me that piano was. I had purchased it in 1984(during my Rock Musician phase) and it had become a stable part of my life. My daughter, Molly, learned how to play on that piano. It was more than a piece of furniture, it was a piece of my life and I thought it would go with me wherever I went. It was an oak Baldwin Studio model, nothing fancy, and you could open the front to get more of a robust sound. It was there for me when I needed to vocalize. It was there when I just needed to relax. And it was there to bring all of the music in my head to life.

But, like many things in life, my marriage to my piano was pulled apart.

Sometimes, things happen. Things that you have no control over. Oh, you think you can control them, but in the end, things change and they are never the same again. In 2005, we lost everything, causing us to begin what has seemed like a nomadic lifestyle. I have moved over 6 times in 5 years and for the first few, my beloved piano was able to move with me. But like heading down the rabbit hole, things got curiouser and curiouser and places to live got smaller and it was decided that the piano should find a new home.
One thing was for certain, I was not going to sell it. You can't sell a friend! So I posted an ad at Cal State Northridge and waited for calls. A nice young woman called and, without even seeing it, asked when she could come and get it. She was interested because she was going into music therapy for children, she said. I told her to get a truck and come on over. The piano was hers.

I know my piano has a good home. I know it is with someone who enjoys it and that it will help people....just like it helped me. But, I do miss my piano!

See, the day I gave it away, the music stopped. I'm not sure why. When the piano was still with me, I would sing along with any recording, strum on my guitar and sing a song or even sing without music, but now all of that has stopped. I never realized exactly what the piano meant to me until it was gone.

So as I write this, I am hoping to get my voice back. To sing loud and clear and not care who's listening. And to dance even if someone's watching. I am hoping if I sell my life on eBay and look at things in a different light, that I can once again get my piano back and start living my life as it should be. Will, this happen. I hope and pray that it does. In the meantime, though, the music has stopped and I would do anything to get it playing again!


To view my life as it goes to auction, please visit:
http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-Attic

Sometimes...it's hard to let go.....

Looking through all my stuff makes me realize how long and interesting this journey has been and that, well, I've collected a lot of stuff. As I methodically go through my things, there are times I wonder how I am ever going to complete this project! But, I must persevere.....

As I list things, I am finding I have a deep attachment to certain things. One of those things is online now and listing it brought me to tears. The item? A small figurine of an Old English Sheepdog. Why such an attachment?

Well, I used to share my life with a wonderful Old English Sheepdog named Lord Horatio Higby or just plain Higby for short. It had been a lifelong dream of mine to raise one of these magnificent dogs. I prepared for dog ownership like a mother-to-be prepares for her first child. I read books, interviewed breeders and puppy proofed our home. I bought a playpen(yes a playpen) to help with housebreaking my puppy. And when I finally found Higby, I fell in love.

Higby was everything an Old English should be. He was a big hearted dog and I don't think he had a mean bone in his body. We would run together in the morning and everyday was a new adventure. He would dance for joy at the sight of a Milkbone. I spent 11 wonderful years with Higby and then, suddenly, one morning he died.

I am thankful it wasn't a long, drawn out death, but I would have liked to have been able to say goodbye. I do believe we are united after we pass-- humans and the pets that loved them--and I look forward to seeing him once again, running towards me and plopping his front paws on my shoulders to give me a kiss, his rear end wagging furiously.

Sometimes you never realize how much you miss someone until you remember....and then it hurts your soul.....


To see how I'm selling my life on eBay and take a look at what I'm offering, just go to:
http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-Attic

It's Amazing What You'll Do Just to Get Something Free.....

In my life I have done some pretty crazy things and almost all of them have involved getting something for free. If there is a contest to win, I'll do it and I'll try my best to bring home the prize. I think we're all like that in a way, winning things and feeling the pleasure that comes from winning--no matter what the prize. It's like the father in the movie "A Christmas Story" showing off his hideous lamp in the window of his home. He was so proud and why?.........because he won something!



Such is the case of the Dr. Phil mug. I was on a winning streak of sorts at the time, losing weight on Weight Watchers, working on my business, everything was starting to fall in place. It was the calm before the storm. The rise before the fall and the Dr. Phil mug became a part of that.
My husband, Paul and I had lived in the Los Angeles area for almost 30 years at the time and not once during that time had we been to a live taping of a television show. We decided it was time to embark on such a venture, so we picked the Dr. Phil Show. I'm still not sure why that particular show, by the way. I like Dr. Phil. I think he has some good sound advice, but I'm certainly not fanatical about the show. But we called the number, were put on the list and early one morning, dressed in our best, we headed to Paramount Studios to be part of the audience for the Dr. Phil Show.


When we were told to get there early, my competitive streak began. I am one of those people who is early to everything--I always want to get there first--and the Dr. Phil Show was no exception. We arrived at 6:45 for a 10am taping only to find there were quite a few people ahead of us. People from all over the country. People saying that they would die if they didn't get to see Dr. Phil. People who had traveled thousands of miles just to get a glimpse of the great problem solver. And then there was the couple in front us with stardust in their eyes. They just wanted to see a star. Would Brittany Spears be there? they asked us after they found out we were locals. Where could they find stars? I pointed them in the direction of Jerry's Deli in Studio City( I always seemed to find a star there) and they seemed happy. And as I waited, I wondered, why am I standing in a line in Hollywood this early to see the taping of a show I could easily see in the privacy of my own home? I figured the challenge was to actually get in.


When you get tickets to a live taping, your seats at the show are not guaranteed. It's this way for almost every live taping in Hollywood and the Dr. Phil Show was no different than the rest. We were told to get to the show early, wear nice attire(for our close-up) and come with plenty of energy. The first cut was the line itself. And I was right, the early bird gets to go into the Dr. Phil holding area. The Dr. Phil holding area was somewhat different. We were guaranteed a seat at that point(at least I think we were--I was running on "I'm-actually-in the-building adrenalin" at that point) and Dr. Phil employees went around picking and choosing who would sit where. We were located on an aisle seat. I figured we were put there because we both looked very business like--both Paul and I were wearing suits--and that we would look good in a shot. And then I heard the word----giveaway! I looked up and saw a table of Dr. Phil Books and Dr. Phil mugs and well.......the game was on! How could I get one? What would I have to do? The Dr. Phil employees were saying nothing. One woman wailed "But I came all the way from Canada!" Hey, I thought, I came all the way from the West Valley, traffic is pretty brutal at 5am! I knew at that moment I had to win something. Preferably a mug. Maybe a book. No........it had to be a mug!


We went into the Dr. Phil studio and took our assigned seats and waited. Waited for a sign. Then a young man took the stage and told us that a lot of love and energy was needed to get the Dr. Show off to great start and that love and energy was up to us. We needed to show the love. Show Dr. Phil how much we cared. And....we would be rewarded for our efforts with a prize. Production assistants would walk around the area and "judge" who was the most enthusiastic and reward that audience member with a prize. And then the music began. There was a warm up girl on the stage dancing. Dr. Phil was no where in sight for this jubilation. And as I surveyed the competition I thought, no matter where, no matter what, I've got to get a mug. I danced! I screamed! I jumped up and down! I did movements I did not know I could do. I looked more like a crazed guest of the Dr. Phil Show than a guest in a business suit. And suddenly, there he was. The PA with the mug. He was surveying the entire group. Oh, who would be worthy? He looked at me and he watched. I danced harder and screamed louder and suddenly in my hands was the the cherished Dr. Phil mug!!! I held it reverently. I touched it's surface. I smiled at Paul. I had won!


I don't even remember much about the show that day. I was too busy holding my mug in my hands. I took it home and displayed it in a cabinet where it would receive no harm. I cherished that mug, but like all things, time changes. As I looked around my possessions trying to figure out what I should relinquish, the Dr. Phil mug stood out. I had had my moment in the sun on the Dr. Phil Show and I had won. For a brief moment, I held the excitement of television in my hands and I kept that excitement with me for 5 years.


Life is different for me now than it was then. I'm trying to put all the pieces back together. Trying to build everything up again and right now, the Dr. Phil mug doesn't seem that important. It's time to find it a new home.


To see the Dr. Phil show mug just go to: http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-Attic

Type in Dr Phil. The mug is looking for a good home. Who knows? It might just be you!


To see the rest of my life that I am selling on eBay, just go to the following address:
http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaesa-attic

You never know what you might find!:

Cats, Cats and more Cats!

Mabelmae, my CEO


As you go through life, you collect a lot of stuff along the way. In some way, the things you collect represent a time in your life. It may be a good time. It may be a bad time. But the stuff you bring into your life is very representative of who you were at the time of its acquisition.
And so brings us to my life long love of all things pointy earred, furring and purring---cats!
My parents used to tell me that my first word was "kitty" and if this were indeed true, much about my life evolved from there. I have always had an affinity with cats, always loved cats and, well, maybe even felt at one with the feline populace of the world. Not that I'm a crazy cat lady, mind you.....or maybe I am. The thing is, it is a given that I like cats and it is the one thing in life I can be actually sure about. And yes, I do believe that you can never have too many cats, furry or decorative.
This love affair with cats has gotten me through some pretty rough times in my life. I remember a pretty bad time in the early '80's. My mother had passed away and within a year of her death, my father married a woman who did not want me in her life. At some point, on a rather dark day, I proclaimed "I like cats!" and something about that proclamation made me start collecting them. I think in some way my goal was to decorate my home like Cat Woman's lair, and in many ways I succeeded. When my daughter was younger, she and her friends would count the number of cat things I had around. When I opened my online business in 1998, it was devoted to cats(or at least to stuff for cat lovers).
And so, the cat collection grew and grew to the place where I am today--purging and re-evaluating and changing my life. I'm not saying that I am going to part with all of my cat inspired goodies. I have to keep a few. But part of this selling my life on eBay has to include some cat housekeeping. And I think it's time for another cat collector to enjoy my collection. After all, you can never have too many cats!

Too see see how this all evolving, check out my auctions at the address below. And if you are or know any cat lovers, send them over. I know they'll find something they definitely have to have!
http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-Attic

On Selling Dana Carvey..........

As I go through my life, I am finding that I didn't add things to it just to add stuff, I added things to make me smile or bring a little fun into my life. Not everything I am listing has this connection, but Dana Carvey does. Not the "real" Dana Carvey. This is a much smaller version, and unlike the real version, I don't think this one has ever been on SNL.
I have a habit of finding things that I have never seen before and aquiring them. If something looks different, well, I'm all for adding it to my life and on one overcast day in Los Angeles, I found Dana Carvey. This was Dana as Garth from Waynes World and, well, he was just so darn cute that I had to give him a home. He had the cutest little shoes and the cutest expression on his face. And in his hands, he held two tiny drumsticks. And, he was a marionette and ever since I was a child I loved marionettes. And so I had to have him. I envisioned myself finding a tiny drumset somewhere and putting on a show. Well, the drumset was never found and Dana just hung around, getting all sorts of odd looks from anyone who saw him.
I was asked if I was a real Wayne's World fan....well no...........I think I've seen it once......am I a Dana Carvey fan..........well, yes, but not to the extent of having an idol in his likeness. So eventually, it became very apparent to me that the only reason I had Dana in my life was because he was unique and different and something I could smile about. And that's a pretty good reason for purchasing anything.
But now, it's time for Dana to move on. It's time for him to go to someone else that marches to a different drummer. Maybe even to a diehard Wayne's World fan. It's time for Dana to make someone else smile!

If you want to take a look at Dana or any of my Life I'm selling on eBay, take a look at my store on eBay. Just go the the address below:
http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-Attic

In the Beginning...........There's a Lot of Stuff!!

Some might wonder if this is the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning. Or it might just be the beginning of things to come. Whatever the case, I have decided to sell my life on eBay in order to clean out, cleanse and start anew. At my age, I have been through a lot of stuff, to put it mildly. And a lot of stuff has been collected. And a large amount of stuff has been stored, unceremoniously, rarely to see the light of day.



To say that my life has been a journey.... would be trite. A journey is made up of hills and valleys and curves--some pleasant, some treacherous . My life has been one never ending and, at times, exhilarating road trip! One energetic joie de vie. But it is time to move on. Time to clean out. And time to renew. This is my new journey and I guess I'll experience it as it goes.



To start with, there is also a monetary reason to all this madness. I started experiencing the recession way before the rest of the country. Seven years ago, everything was fine in my world. I had an acting career and a successful Internet business, but then, as happens in life, I was thrown a curve. In 2004 everything started to unravel. I became sick, medical bills piled up--you name it, it happened. Everything but locusts. So by 2005, we,my family and I, had lost everything--house, car, savings, dog, jobs. Everything but stuff.



Over the last 6 years, I have moved 7 times. Moving over and over, each time I would relinquish a little of my stuff, giving it to the American Cancer Society or Goodwill. Sometimes I would just leave things for people to take. But even with this desire to rid myself of stuff, stuff remained in my life. I had lost everything but my stuff. When you lose everything, you begin to lose your self worth. And without self worth, you begin to only exist. I am about to put an end to that nonexistence.



The purpose of this blog and this sale of a lifetime, as it were, is to purge and renew and restore. I believe that if I can sell everything on eBay, I can begin my life again or at least get back to where I was before all of this started to happen. As I list things, I am going to write about them and what they mean. I hope to be writing something everyday as I list my life on eBay. The blog will go with the auctions and the auctions will go with blog and, hopefully, you , the reader, will learn that it's not just stuff that I'm selling on eBay, but it's my life.





To see what part of my life I'm selling go to http://stores.ebay.com/Mabelmaes-Attic


And, who knows, you may even see something you like!:)